the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
