How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
