so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you had me at cake vodka
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
