If that was your dad, he is hot
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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