I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
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Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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