Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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