I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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