i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
