Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
