Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
