she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
