i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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