u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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