I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
