for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He has the fingertips of a God
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