i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is Oprah even human
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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