Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
