So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I came so hard my ears popped.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
