my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
