I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
