I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
