Redeem this text for a blowjob
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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