he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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