she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is it penis luge time yet?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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