just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
