i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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