my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
