it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
