Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
