my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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