well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
