He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
