Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
