beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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