kristin has been a bad kristin
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
