My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
