Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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