i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize