So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
