Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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