Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
