Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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