I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He has the fingertips of a God
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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