3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
