PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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