I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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