I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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