Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
