I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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