we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize