I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
