It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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