hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
