He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
