Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
