The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
