Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
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Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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