Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
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If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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